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What to expect in your first therapy session with me.
If you have not had any counselling before, it can feel scary to reach out and make that first appointment, because you have no idea what it will be like. Some people have no concerns, but it is really common for others to be worried or feel unsure about what will happen. For some, just making that first appointment means that they already feel that a small load has been lifted, because they know that they are taking a step in the right direction. However, some may still worry about what happens when they get to the session.
People come to counselling for a huge variety of reasons, including depression, anxiety, phobias, low self confidence, betrayal and affairs, ADHD, loneliness, neurodiversity and so many other things! Whatever brings you to counselling, please know first of all, you will get a warm welcome from me. We will usually have already had an introductory call, so I will have an idea of what has made you decide to start having counselling. Whatever it is that you are bringing to therapy, this is a safe space for you to unload what is going on for you confidentially, and be treated without any judgement from me.
Some clients have said that it helped them to see what my therapy room looked like before we started sessions, so they’re knew what to expect, so I have included a photo of my room.
Some say that they have no idea where to start, or that they don’t know what is going on for them, or that they are scared to share things which they have never told anyone else, or are worried in case they cry. All of this is fine and totally normal, I’m here to help you start to make sense of whatever it is that is going on for you, and I will do it in a way that makes you feel at ease, so you start to feel able to share, and speak openly and honestly.
I believe that the relationship between therapist and client is key to successful outcomes, so if you’re looking for real human connection, then I might be the right therapist for you. I’m down to earth and understand how difficult it can be to make that first move and start having counselling. So my wish is to make the process as easy as possible for you, and I acknowledge your courage in reaching out. Counselling cannot change your past, but I can help you to make sense of it, and start to understand why you might behave in certain ways which you may no longer feel comfortable or happy with.
My hope is that through our work together you are able to understand how past experiences shape present emotional and relational patterns, and explore these patterns safely within the therapeutic relationship. This could help you to form a deeper sense of self, learn to trust your own feelings and gain the tools to lead a more fulfilling life and form healthier relationships in your life, both with others and yourself.
During our first session (which will last for 50 minutes) I will spend time getting to know you, learning what your goals are, what your expectations for therapy are, and what you are looking to achieve. In the session we will also discuss any fears you have or reservations in coming to therapy as well as exploring my personal therapeutic approach. This session will also include an initial assessment, which means I will ask some questions about your background, lifestyle and the issues that you are experiencing, so I gain some further insight into what is happening for you. There is absolutely no pressure or obligation to share anything with me that you do not feel comfortable in sharing or do not feel ready to talk about yet.
I am always happy for you to ask me any questions that you may have at any point during the session.
Many people say that they are surprised by how much they felt able to share with me by the end of the session (I always feel honoured when people trust me with their true feelings and emotions), after all, 50 minutes ago I was a complete stranger! However, clients often say that they find it easier to open up to a stranger, rather than “burden” their own friends or family with their issues, or they are worried about being judged or treated differently by family and friends if they are honest about how they are feeling. This is something that we can explore.
Most clients come out of that first session feeling a sense of relief, emotionally lighter and perhaps feeling a little bit more hopeful about the future. If you would like to arrange an introductory call to see how we could work together, and how I could help you, please get in touch. I work in person with clients in Launceston and online with clients anywhere in the UK
Blogs
Yesterday was A-level results day
For some this was about celebrating success and achievement, and for others it was a less positive and more difficult day. Results do matter, but mental health matters more. I hope that whatever their results were, your young person realises that their results do not define them, and that they have found, or are in the process of finding, the path that they want to follow.
For us parents this can signify the start of a big transition in our own lives. Some are excited to see their children go and follow their dreams. For many this excitement is also mixed with feelings of anxiety and worry. Our children may be anxious and it can be difficult to support them through this time, and this can raise our own anxiety levels. We may be thinking about how our own lives will change, once our kids leave home to go to university or travelling, and are out in the world without us!
Once our children leave home some of us will find ourselves having a huge shift in our living or family dynamic, some may be facing living alone, or living with a partner that they haven’t lived alone with for many years, it’s likely that your home will be left feeling emptier and this can bring up many different emotions and feelings.
You may be wondering what you will do with your time once they leave home, how things might change between you and your child, or you and your partner or other children. You might be thinking about how you will manage feelings of loneliness, grief (or perhaps guilt, if you’re feeling happy at the prospect of having more time to yourself). You may be considering how you will cope with saying goodbye. Or be worried about how your child will cope living away from home.
All of these feelings, and any other emotions that you may be feeling are completely valid and normal. It may help you to talk to a counsellor about what is going on for you, and how you will navigate these significant changes in your life. Parenting in general, life transitions and changes in family dynamics can be really difficult and talking to a therapist can help you to process how you are feeling and help you to move forwards.
I also work with young people (aged 16 and over), so if you think that your young person would benefit from some support outside of the home during this potentially difficult time, please ask them to get in touch. Counselling can offer them their own space to talk about the pressure, their fears and hopes, change or whatever else might be going on for them. I offer reduced rates for young people. I work face to face with clients in Launceston, Cornwall, and online with clients anywhere in the UK.
Please reach out if you would like to arrange a free 10/15 minute introductory call to see how I could help with these and any other issues that you may be experiencing.
Who actually needs therapy?
This is a question that I am often asked. My honest answer is - probably everyone! I believe that we could all benefit from the support and self reflection that therapy provides. However, some people say that they don’t think that their problems are “big” enough to take to therapy, or that they don’t want to waste my time! I assure you that any difficulties that you may be experiencing are totally valid and enough to bring to your counselling session, no concerns are too big or small.
Imagine a group of friends, one of them keeps repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns. Another is questioning their sexual identity. One of them is experiencing anxiety but they aren’t sure why. Another is feeling very low and doesn’t know how to make themselves feel better. These are all issues that clients may bring to sessions. They are all completely valid reasons to seek help. Within this group of friends, none of them consider the others to be “crazy” and none of them considers themselves at crisis point. Some of them may keep their problems to themselves as they don’t want to be a “burden” to their other friends (when really, those friends would probably love to have the opportunity to support their own friends).
To an onlooker, they probably all look fine, we can become very good at masking our problems and putting on a brave face. The reality is that opening up about, or sharing our difficulties and getting a new perspective can be the start of positive change. All of the people within this group would probably benefit from getting to know themselves a little better, and start to understand why they may behave in certain ways. This is one of many things that counselling can help you with.
If you are experiencing any kind of ongoing emotional distress, life changes, trauma, depression, anxiety, find yourself stuck in unhealthy patterns, experiencing relationship problems, or any other mental health concerns then counselling may help you.
If your thoughts or emotions are starting to disrupt your everyday life. Or you feel constantly overwhelmed, sad, worried, a sense of hopelessness, or you no longer enjoy doing things that used to make you happy, maybe it’s time to start thinking about how to make some changes, perhaps starting with counselling.
So therapy isn’t about wondering if you are struggling enough to need support, or if your problems are big enough. Instead, it is about wondering if there are any things going on in your life, including your own actions and behaviours, that you may want to gain more understanding of, change, or process and work through. If so, then therapy may be helpful for you.
Many people wish that they had reached out for help before they got to crisis point, rather than wait until their situation escalated. It is better to reach out sooner rather than later.
If you would like a free 10-15 minute telephone call, to see how I may be able to help you, please get in contact.
Back to school
A lot of children have already gone back to school and the rest will return over the next week or so. There can be a lot of emotions involved for both parents and young people.
Some children may feel happy at the prospect of returning and can’t wait to get back to school, they may thrive on routine and want to see their friends. Some parents feel similarly, they might be looking forward to their children going back to school after the long summer break so they can also return to a “normal” routine.
Other children may be dreading school, for various reasons, and this can be difficult for parents to support. They may be awaiting a diagnosis, or be struggling with friendships or perhaps events over the summer holidays have been difficult. A child feeling anxious about returning to school for whatever reason, can be difficult and also raise the parents anxiety levels.
Some parents, again for a variety of reasons may not be looking forward to their children returning to school. Some children may not be able to return to school and this may be difficult for families to navigate.
Some children are home schooled, so the transition may not seem quite as impactful, but there will probably still be changes in the families routine.
If you have older children who are going off to university or travelling, this can also raise a huge mix of feelings including worry, loneliness, grief and guilt.
However you are feeling, your emotions are totally valid. This period of children returning to school can be a time for some parents to reflect, and sometimes acknowledge that they may need support with the way that they are feeling, or with supporting their children.
Counselling with me can be a great way of exploring what is going on for you in a confidential, non-judgmental and down to earth setting. You can start to unravel your feelings, begin to make sense of things and perhaps make changes if that feels right for you.
I work with people aged 16 and over, both face to face in my therapy room in Launceston, and online anywhere in the UK. Please reach out and get in touch if you would like a free 10/15 minute introductory call to see if I can help.
Boundaries
Some clients come to me because they don’t know how to set boundaries, or don’t know what sort of boundaries they should be setting. They know that something feels off within themselves or within their relationships, and they want to make changes but aren’t sure where to start.
Boundaries are simply guidelines for how you would like to be treated and how you treat others. Flexible boundaries generally work best, and can change depending on the situation, person and how you are feeling. Setting boundaries is an important part of self care and important in maintaining healthy and happy relationships, including friendships, as well as family and romantic relationships.
People might start to feel anxious just at the thought of having to say no to someone. They may have spent their whole life trying to make people happy or avoid difficult situations. However when we constantly say yes or people please, this can slowly chip away at our patience and energy, and resentment can grow and we can start to feel overwhelmed. Does any of this feel familiar to you?
It’s a really good idea to set healthy boundaries, this can help you to protect yourself and your mental health. However, it can be a really difficult thing to start doing if you haven’t done it before. Even the thought of saying no can feel terrifying at first. But it is something that counselling can help you to do.
You may be a people pleaser who struggles to say no to others. Or you may get upset or feel rejected if others set boundaries within your relationship. Talking to a therapist about what doesn’t feel right within your relationships can help you to make sense of why you are behaving in certain ways, which may no longer feel helpful or healthy.
Once you start to understand your own feelings and actions better, it becomes easier to accept and value yourself, and perhaps realise that your own opinions matter. It becomes easier to reflect on what you really want and need from those around you, and so communicating this to others starts to feel less scary.
Being able to accept when others set boundaries, as well as feeling able to say no to someone, and not always trying to please others can have a huge positive impact on your mental health, and life in general, and can reduce stress and anxiety levels. Recognising that agreeing to disagree with someone is always a valid option can be really beneficial.
Through counselling, we can improve our self compassion, and realise that setting boundaries isn’t selfish or unkind, it’s simply an act of looking after ourselves and our own needs.
If any of this resonates with you, and you would like to explore why you behave in certain ways with others, then therapy with me would be a great place to start unravelling this and beginning to make sense of it. I work face to face in Launceston and online anywhere in the UK. I offer a free introductory chat, to see if you would like to work with me. Please get in touch if you would like to do this, here are my website details.
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